What Kind of Day Has It Been

Something really strange happened.

I was cleaning up the around the central time portal chamber when I saw that someone.... or something left the door ajar. Now I checked the logs before I started freaking out to see if anyone was scheduled to be in here since the last time I came by. The logs were empty which means no body and I mean no body was supposed to be in here.

I started to freak out.

It's bad enough that time-travel is so mainstream these days with the travel agencies and all the different organizations trying to make a buck but now it looks like people are breaking and entering! I really don't need to tell you what can happen if some idiot goes spelunking through the ages and, oh I don’t know, stops America from entering WWII. Yeah, now you are starting to get the picture. You just cannot be messing around with this stuff.

I had a look around the lab. Not only did the perp sneak into here without authorization, he/she/it left a flask of water and some sort of key. Who the hell leaves their stuff in a place they just broke in to? It has to be one of those punks from X... or some other activist. The dials had clearly been tampered with so I figured the only way to cover my own ass was to go after the creep and drag some ass back here to the present....

...After a few minutes, I landed whenever I was and proceeded to throw up everything in my gut. Those damn Time Tourist people don't ever tell you about the side effects of traveling at the speed of light. Yeah I know it’s hard to believe, but the fact of the matter is that when you zap your particles like that, your stomach gets turned into scrambled eggs.

I found myself in some sort of wasteland. There wasn't a damn thing for miles. That stupid SOB jumped to nothing but a bunch of sand and rocks as far as the eye can see. That means we either went back to a long, long time ago or I was getting a sneak peak at my world a thousand years from now. After putzing around for a few minutes I found some footprints. Bingo.

I started walking for miles. The sun refused to move even an inch out of sight and continued to beat on me without mercy. I was trekking along in the desert and I started to ask myself why I felt responsible enough to follow this moron? Why wasn't I back home watching the game? But most importantly, why the hell didn’t I bring any water with-

I reached for the flask of water I found back at the lab. All right, that was weird.

Hours of walking and there was still no trace of any life. As far as I know, this whole time travel crap can take you any point in time but you're always in the same place. So if this is the future, it looks like I'm no longer an employee of Time Fighters. Good.

I finally came across something ahead, a small bunker in the middle of nowhere, some sort of prison from the looks of it. After giving the door a push I could see that it was locked from the outside. The footprints ended at the door so my friend had access to this cell or I was chasing Houdini. I remembered the key in my pocket, the key I found at the lab with the water. This can't be that easy...Can it? I pushed the key into the door, turned the handle and the door swooshed open. Turns out it is that easy and then I started to really freak out.

It was pitch-black inside. I'm not sure why I thought it would be any different in a place like this but I still hate the dark more than anything. Darkness combines loneliness with disorientation like a two for one special in the warehouse of uncomfortable crap. I kept telling myself that there is no need to panic; I just had to find a way through, or out. Forget about the sneak, I just wanted to be out of this cell, out of this desert and back home where I belong. Right before I completely lost it, I felt a button lodged into the whale. I figured this was my one play left so I took a deep breath and gave it a push. That’s when everything went white.

I was back in the lab. What the !@#$? I took a quick look around to try and make sense of everything. I could tell by the clocks that I was right back to where I started...Make that ten minutes before I started. To this day, I'll tell you right now that not all that science-fiction you guys read in whatever time you guys are from is accurate. I can tell you that you never want to bump into yourself when time traveling. No the universe does not collapse itself, but your ego does. I for one liked my ego a great deal on that strange day and knew I had to get out of dodge before I walked in on myself. I was about to bolt right through the doors when that little light bulb in my head started flashing its high beams. I put the key along with a refilled flask of water back on the table. This time though, I made sure to leave a flashlight and a note.

"Make sure to pass these on to the next guy."

There is Always a $#@!ing Vampire!

Okay, I've been doing this time traveling thing a few times now. Last week I was in Feudal Japan and a few hours later, I was in Paris 100 years in the future from now. You get used to certain things after you suffer through this ridiculousness enough times. But I swear that for right now, I might be going insane.

I was skipping around a few days ago when I saw what looked to be a man standing in the corner. This guy was tall, reclusive and diffidently not part of WWII Europe. I wanted to get a better look at the tourist (that's what I call it when I see any one else traveling time) but he vanished. How the hell does someone vanish like that? I'm getting even more freaked out now that I saw this thing floating around.

This tourist thing is just getting out of hand. I mean you look at some of the ads these people run and you think its a great big joke! Can't everyone just use their bosses time travel machine look the rest of us working chumps? Huh, yeah $2,999 for a chance to see Paul Revere and while you are at it, feel free to drop your trash. I'm sure the fathers of the American revolution won't be too freaked out when they find your McDonald's wrapper!

So between the obnoxious tourists, the damn time-fighting ninjas or whatever, and the bootleg i.d. chips, yeah this whole time raveling business is going great, just great.

Space Chumps

I remember when this time travel nonsense first started. It was after all that crazy planet alignment crap went down and everybody lost their damn mind. It wasn't too long after that we, the people, figured out what really happened and then we all started time traveling.

It didn’t take too long for people to want different things for a new world order. A company stepped up and the Time Fighters became an international role model for time-travel law. I started to work here because well hell they were hiring!

I wasn't working here for long before the picture started changing. Time Fighters was becoming too big and too fast. They took over everything and now I work for one of the largest most evil conglomerates in this space time continuum.

Then these others cats stepped up. They call themselves Orginization X and I'm not sure what their story is just yet but I'm starting to like them. I'm not too big on the whole tampering with the past bit, but I hear about some of these people and read their stories. I can see with their experiences that there are some things worth changing. Hey maybe someone will illegally change the past enough so that I'm not working in this dump anymore. Now that would really be something.

How to Accidently Time Travel

If you are reading this, then chances are something pretty terrible or lame happened to me. My name is Florence but everyone calls me Flo... Or at least they used to anyway. I'm not sue how you can across my writings but I', sure it must be quite the circumstance. I guess I'll start from the beginning.

I'm a janitor (don't laugh) for a company called Time Corp. If you haven't heard of them, then you probably aren't from this century. If you aren't from this century, then this is going to sound really nuts but its all true. Time Corp. is in the business of well, time travel. Yeah that's right time travel.

See a while back, these guys figured out how to get around that whole space and time thing and started transporting people and things through time. Naturally, for a crazy operation like that you need somebody to keep your multi-billion dollar equipment clean and shiny and that's exactly how I got involved in this mess.

For the first few months, everything was going great. I was making good money, had a nice apartment and I was staying the hell out of business that didn't concern me. But sure enough, curiosity finally got me down a bad path. There's this old school expression from last century that you might know, "Curiosity Killed the cat." Well I can tell you that I ain't never seen curiosity kill anything. Curiosity can however, make you see and do a bunch of seriously crazy **** that you never thought possible.

Now a time machine is a funny thing. You would think that for a couple billion dollars, these scientist guys could make a machine that's pretty hard to screw around with. Turns out all you have to do is spill coffee on the control panel, panic, knock over a toolbox, trip and fall into a box just as a button gets pushed to go any where or any time I should say. Ever since that little malfunction, I've found myself in some predicaments that you would only here about in science fiction books.

That brings us to you, the person, historical figure, or spaceman that found my writings. What you are about to read is a journal of sorts. It contains my stories, crazy rants and observations about life and time. I should probably warn you that often times I didn't know where the hell I was or when I was so don't look for a lot of academia here. I am a janitor after all.

-Flo